Monday, August 10, 2015

"Didn't they say that only love will win in the end"- M & S

Love to me is life. Nothing can or will ever compare to it. 

I am writing today because I am going through one of the biggest heartbreaks I have EVER experienced in my life. Yes, I am 25 and i'm sure this isn't going to be the last one. But the thing about this heartbreak is how purely I fell in love with him. How much faith I had in us and our vision of love together. It didn't take long till the words fell out of my mouth that I loved him so much. You know that guy your friends tell you about after a big heartbreak. That when you least expect it that love will find you. That someone will come into your life and make you look back at your past relationship and think "wow, what was I thinking.... THIS IS LOVE". Well, that was him. If I could only explain the amount of butterflies this man made me feel every. single. day. Not to mention the wonderful family behind him. I have never met a family so lovely and welcoming. My heart aches to think that I wont see them again. In fact my eyes are watering up as I type this. From the first time I met his father and he fist pumped me, to his sweet and smart sister and having such a wonderful dinner at a restaurant that was named after a place back home in New York. To his lovely mother who came down to visit while she was doing the Nike Women's Marathon, to meeting his grandmothers and grandfather in our Europe trip. And we cant forget about Tarry, that humorous puppy. They will all have a special place in my heart. Forever.

It has been seven almost eight months that I have been feeling this heartbreak. Yes, I did bring this upon myself by breaking up with him. I was the one who left, but it wasn't supposed to be forever. I have vocalized about the changes that needed to take place in our relationship if we wanted to move forward in marriage talk, babies, etc.  I wasn't being met half way. My energy was devoted to making our relationship last and his was his job. Which isn't bad, its all about balancing. I thought leaving would make him understand that I was serious. But this went completely different. In fact, I lost him. I may have been the fool to leave but what other choice did I have?  Now, there is other reasons to why I left but I will not put that out there because Its extremely personal. All I can say is... I just never had my heartbroken this way before. 

I also want all my readers to understand that this post isn't to air out my laundry publicly  or to talk badly about my past relationship. That I still hold this relationship dear to my heart and that I respect him as a person. And wish him nothing but the best for him and his new endeavors . I am writing because I am hoping that someone, somewhere can relate. And if they do, to understand that they are not alone this is process of healing either.

During these past eight months besides the falling apart and crying myself to sleep. I have fought for him. I have sent him songs, written in his favorite books to choose love, written in the back of his journal how much I love him. I have been vulnerable, cried my heart out to him. Given him examples of why to fight for our love. But than I realized, I can not make someone love or choose me. No matter how much I try. That I have to come to terms that things change and it leads two people down different paths. I just thought this was THAT love you fight for. That great love story. How often I wish id hear those jingling keys come up to my door-step and to tell me that I am the one. That losing me isn't worth it. How often I wake up some mornings and just hope that this was all a bad dream. And that he would just be there laying next to me again. How I wish I could go back in time to when we were so deep in love. Laughing until our cheeks hurt. Go back to when he first met my family. When our families met. The first night we met. All of it. 

I do believe in love. I may not be great at many things but I know how to love. Someone once asked me what my purpose in life is and I replied back that  I do not see myself as a wealthy person but a person who is rich in memories. I truly feel like I was put on this earth to guide people. To bring joy to someones life. To love someone. My passion is to love. People always tell me to follow my passion and it is love. My job is nothing more than a job to me. Its how I leave people feeling is what I will take to my grave. Not the money, but the memories. To me being successful is family. Its the teaching you bring to your every day life. Its having a good head on your shoulders regardless of your bank account. Its treating people with kindness and respect. My job will never define my success in life, for I am still succeeding.



I've allowed this breakup to take over me and let it takes it course. That does mean that I have hit some low points in my life. To collapsing in the middle of my kitchen and crying every feeling I have out. Having my best friend hold me and also to begin to start crying because she can feel the sadness out pouring from my heart. Last night, was another low moment for me. I cried my HEART out. I couldn't control it. I just broke down. My heart is broken but my faith isn't. I do believe that love is in store for me. I just have to keep my head up. I know that timing plays a huge roll in this process. But to me, you should ALWAYS fight for love. You fight to be there, fight for the day you say I do, your first born, the time we buy our first house. You fight for the THE MEMORIES. You fight for the belief in each other. 

I'm on the path of healing, growing and evolving. Self-love is my path. To have a relationship with myself and to learn to love everything about myself. To stop telling myself I wasn't worth the fight. To know my worth and believe that one day I will have love the I believe in. And that not only could I give someone great love but to give myself great love first. I am finding myself through this sorrow. The beauty in my own soul and know I can conquer fear. To listen to my intuition and heart. Fear is  an option. To never let fear win over love. EVER. 

I am hoping that whoever reads this can relate in someway or form. That this will inspire someone to never give up on love. To listen to your heart and to love yourself. And if you are going through a heartache to not be ashamed to cry. LET IT OUT. Be vulnerable to yourself. Its the most human thing you can do. And its beautiful! Allow growth and know the love you put out in this world will come back to you. Breathe and wake up everyday thankful for something. 

And to the people who laugh and think this is just over the top. Please feel free to unfollow me. 
I do not have anymore energy to waste on people who do not help me grow as a individual.

This is my journey. My next chapter in life. My story, I am the author.
Love does conquer all. Love is what will define me.                                
                                                                     " I will learn to love the skies I am under"

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Who said gardening is for old people?



Guys, its official. Dan and I are two old farts who love to garden. It happened last Monday and we went a little Martha Stewart crazy.


Just something about this boy covered in dirt and gardening with me made me fall so much more deeply in love with him. So many wonderful traits about this boy that makes him my best friend. 


Before this was a beautiful place for flowers to live, it was a graveyard to many hipsters cigarettes buds, muni passes, fallen leaves and rusty nails. Now after cleaning it up and adding new soil its the perfect place to grow my favorite flowers. Ranunculus.

Now since Dan and I have put some money into this and a bit of back aches later on. If I hear some hooligans breaking glass or actin a fool. I might just have to round house someone. Because theses are my babies and I don't need some wannabe Justin Bieber making a mess of my garden!







Maybe its the fact that I've grown up with my grandmothers (and Dad) gardening my whole life. Or maybe its my small town country roots in me that wants to get my hands and clothes dirty. Maybe its the simple fact of  how appreciative my landlord was when she walked out one morning to see the front of our house redone. Or maybes its the little boy and his mom who pass by our house every day just to hi to the stone deer in the garden. Whatever it is, its making me real happy and I'm just going to run with it. Till next Monday.

                                                  xoxo, Ari








Sunday, January 26, 2014

its good for the soul.


1. Always make your bed- I know what you're thinking, what's the point right? You're just going to get back in it and wake up thinking a tornado hit your bed. Well, grandmother always told me if you make your bed it will always make your room look clean aaaand its true. If you're like me, if my bed isnt made my day feels weird. So take that extra 5 or so minutes to make that bed. And I promise you'll feel 10 times better.

2. Start your day off with music- If you are a handy dandy iphone user, there is a setting for your alarm clock to wake you up to music instead of the normal ringtones. I usually wake up to Jack Johnson and bam already in a great mood. Make a morning playlist and put in motivational songs to get you going. I usually ALWAYS listening to You get what you give by The New Radicals and just jam out.  Its YOUR playlist so you can do anything you want!

3. Create a space where you can thrive in - I'm all about ambiance and creating a space where you can thrive and feel at your best. My room was one of my great masterpieces once I moved into my place. I think your bedroom is where you do all your thinking and relaxing. Its a place where you can really express yourself. A Happy home , a happy heart.

4. Appreciate the small things- Whether that being your neighbor giving you free bread once a week. Dan placing his sweater around you while you sleep as if it was him holding you as he goes off to work in the morning. Love notes. Birds chirping. A calm breeze. A genuine smile. A cloudy day. Hand picked flowers. A view. Take it all in. Life is a beautiful thing, don't waste your time being negative. Look at everything or anything and see the beauty in it. Take in the smells , the feel , the warmth. EVERYTHING. 





                                   
 5. Be in tuned with your feelings- Be okay with feeling upset. We're all human and you have to accept it. 
When you're feeling down don't skip a sad song to save yourself from feeling crappy. I believe in order to feel the joy you have to go through the pain. Let yourself feel the pain and deal with it right then. Don't leave it so it can turn into a snowball effect. You could hurt a lot of people that way and even yourself. 
I have learned from my past that dealing with your feelings right then and there is best solution you could do for your soul. Its allowed me to move forward and grow as a person. Once the pain and sadness is over, that door that you have been waiting for to open will open and you'll find yourself in love and happy with yourself and life. That moment of clarity is bliss. Love yourself first.

xoxo, Ari




Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Two Zero One Three

This year has been has been a bunch of beautiful moments and sadden memories. Losing my last grandpa this year has opened my eyes to this world. That life is beautiful and every little mistake or things that went wrong happens for a reason. To cherish the moments and to never settle for less. To let go of the people in your life that are negative and to surround myself around people that let me grow as a person. 2014 is going to be a year of change and growth. I want to be the best I have ever been with health, spirit, mind and relationships. I want to be inspired by everything and anything and I want to exchange  the same inspiring mind and create happiness anywhere I go. I want to remind people of the little things in life and inspire them to grow and move forward.
Here's to the year 2014!



I've Learned:
- A lot about myself and how much I can accomplish.
- Mint.com is an amazing website to keep track of my money.
- Anything that has to do with decorating is my passion.
- That relationships take patience and endless amounts of love & respect.
- Family will always be there for you. Always.
- My Dads side of the family are extremely fun to party with!
- Good things happen to good people, aka my Aunt & Uncle are having a baby!!!
- I need to take more photos with Dan.
- Angel hair pasta cooks faster than I expected.
- I need to carry business cards on me
- Living with your best friends is one hell of a rollercoaster.
- I need to learn how to communicate wee bit better.
- How to become a pro gift wrapper.
- That there is such thing as a healthy relationship.
- That having Taco Bell literally 4 blocks away is kind of a problem/weakness for me.
- I should probably have a spare house key hidden somewhere in my front stoop. (sshhh you didn't read that!)
- When I say to Kara "I really don't want to get drunk tonight" and her saying "okay" is a definite yes that I wont remember how I got home.
- Dan is really goofy when he drinks tequila.
- Tequila is not my friend and I'm even Mexican.
- I'm probably a hoarder with furniture. Whoops.
- That I actually like ketchup but only with fries.
- I still HATE oysters & pickles.
- I worry too much like a mom... gotta stop that.
- Running might be good for you... might.
- Making your bed really makes your room look clean. ( thank you abuelita)
- I still suck at painting my nails.
- I have a secret obsession with F. Scott Fitzgerald
- Flowers cant survive in my house.
- Storing Asparagus in water and covering it with plastic will make it last 5-7 days longer.
- Target is dangerous for my wallet but I've always known that.
- My grandpa help build the Transamerica building here in SF. So I have now renamed it Pedro.
- I still don't know what to categorize my Fashion Style.
- Blogging is a lot of work when you haves writers block 24/7.
- Life is beautiful with all of its flaws and perfect moments.
- Dan might just be my soul mate.


Next year:
- I need to get a passport.
- I need to work out more.( not to lose weight but to tone up)
- I need to work on time management.
- Take photography classes
- Take Salsa classes.
- Going to Europe!!!!!!!
- Plant a tree.
- Change, grow and evolve.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween & a frozen pizza..

As sad as I am that Halloween is over.
I can't help but get excited for thanksgiving and
CHRISTMAS.
It gets me every time. All the leaves are gone, the trees are bare.
The air is crisp, and everyone just gets all cozy.
The decorations...OOOH THE DECORATIONS!
Union square and the huge Christmas tree and the ice skating ring (which I told myself I would do it this year)
But for this Halloween, I did exactly what I wanted to do.
I sat on my stoop with my neighbor and her daughter and passed out candy to the little ones.
I get a kick out of it, I don't know why its makes me heart melt to see kids dressed up and say "tank-you". (heart melting)
After all the candy was gone and I could finally turn the porch light off.
Dan made me a his fancy dinner that entailed a frozen pizza, which he baked of course.
And we snuggled up on the couch to watch our favorite childhood movies like Nightmare before Christmas and Charlie Brown and the Great pumpkin. Before we knew it we passed out before 12.
And zombied our way to bed.
Oh deer...

Jack Skellington and for what a father said to me while I was passing out candy to his kids... "what are you a deer in headlights?!"

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

You know its hump day when..

You're making a list of just things:

-Watching: Extreme cheapskates. Yikes.
-Craving: Italian Food, nothing new there.
-Wanting: somehow money to appear in my bank account
-Thinking: about when to start cooking dinner
-Admiring: fall decorations on pinterest
-Postponing: to carve out my new pumpkin
- Daydreaming: about my life in 5 years
- Wearing: yoga pants, wool socks, john mayer band tee, lululemon zip-up and Dan's slippers
-Loving: my family,friends,Dan and my new Dell ultrabook laptop!
-Needing: More clothes................don't judge me.
-Missing: a sock. Besides that, my family. Every single one of them.
-Reading: 'This side of Paradise' by the one and only F. Scott Fitzgerald
- Looking up: coffee mugs on pinterest
-Smelling: my one of many autumn candles: Pumpkin carvings
-Wishing: dinner somehow magically makes itself
-Feeling: optimistic and my foot falling asleep as we speak
-Waiting: For Dan to get home and snuggles.
-Drinking: Tea, not wine. Swear.
-Under: a bunch of blankets because I refuse to turn on the heater.
-Knowing: that I can achieve anything I want to.
-Praying: for the best
-Obsessing: over vintage flapper dresses
-Smiling: more than I ever have.
-Pinning: my daydream life away on pinterest
-Deciding:on whether to grow my hair out or to keep it short
-Melting: over baby clothes for my aunt!!!
-Excited: to meet my baby cousin in April!
-Noticing: the ancient dusty spider web dangling in the corner living-room
-Opening: bottle of wine, for me and Dan, of course..
-Cooking- Pasta, shocker.
-Learning: about F. Scott Fitzgerald
-Wondering: why my right hand is frozen and left hand is warm..
-Calling: Dan, shocker again.
-Singing: my heart out while I have the house to myself.
-Blogging: about randomness.
 
 
Till the next post.
Happy Hump day!
Ari

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Just a simple 23

From what I hear 23 is a golden age. 
And I'm just about ready to slip out of this 22 year old skin and mold into my new 23 age.
Above is just 6 things I've been dying to have. 
And how ever so thoughtful of me to make it so easy to purchase!
Just move the mouse over the item , click and WAH-LAH there you have the quickest shopping of your life.
aaaaaand you're welcome but thank you!
This hint of a post is dedicated to my ever so wonderful family, close friends and boyfriend.

I Love You Guys!
I mean it!





Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Pinch me , is this real?

As I sit here in the living room less than 12 hours before me and Dan fly out to New York.
I can't help but just get really really excited. To some its New York. To me its a place I've always dreamed of living. Last time I was in New York, I was 14 with an awkward body and a not so stylish wardrobe.
Now, Im 22 and NY is going to be such a completely different experience from what I remember.

I. JUST. CANT. WAIT.

And being the total chick that I am, I have already asked Dan to take me to Carrie Bradshaw apartment.
Yes, im sooo doing it.


Also follow along on instagram:
arianapamela



xoxo,
ofm

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The big move

Tomorrow is the day we finally get to move in!
Ever since signing my lease it has seemed like years before I can move in.
Days definitely turned into weeks for me.

8 a.m. sharp  we meet at my storage.
Grab all my furniture that includes:

- Mattress
- Bed Frames
-Desk
- Two chests.

All my clothes and kitchen stuff are already in my aunts garage ready to go!

Can you believe it? 
It has been 6 months going on 7 since I've had my own place.
I've been sleeping on my aunts couch{which will soon be mine} or I've been staying over at Dan's place.
The first night I get to sleep in my bed is going to just feel amazing!
Since I'll be working everyday for my move in day.
My goal is to get EVERYTHING in by 2 pm tomorrow.
Haha.... we'll see how that goes.
Not only am I moving to an adorable flat but my two best friends are my roommates!
I know, what you're thinking...Not such a bright idea.
I thought this through carefully and we are all drama-free, mature , responsible and wine-o's!
I think it'll be great! And I couldn't be anymore excited!

Saturday Dan and I will be doing a lifestyle shoot with my friend Rizaldy.
Nothing to crazy , just lounging around my new place with Dan in our pjs , reading the paper and what not.
It'll be quick.
Also excited to shoot with my friend Andrew in January!

Anywho, since I am moving to a new location. 
I will not have any internet access.
I'm going to try my very very very best to go to my local cafe
and  keep the updates and post coming along.
Again.... we'll see how that goes.

Till then my love birds. Happy 12-12-12 day!

xoxo , 
Ari

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A mini victorious moment.









I'll make this one short and sweet since this was supposed to be posted a week ago.

Last Monday, I went on a hike with my girls in the Marin/ Mill Valley hills.
Wasn't the smartest idea since I was sick but it sounded refreshing and fun.
So mid way through the hike , I began to have this pain in my ears.
{Yay for having sinus pressures ruin your hike!}
So I paused at a convenient little bench on the trail , told the girls to go to the top without me.
15 mins later, I'm sitting down waiting for the pressure to lay off my ears.
I begin to hear noises and just freaked myself out.
Being in the woods by yourself where no one can hear you is a bit adventurous and scary at the same time.
So I put my backpack on and made my way up to the top with the girls!

It was a victorious moment for myself.
And just darn proud of myself!